How to know if you’re being taken for granted
We have all experienced this at some point. That individual who you care about so much, that person who you’re willing to do almost anything for – just refuses to acknowledge your presence and how vital you are to the upkeep and overall maintenance of the relationship or ‘friendship’.
Here ladies and gentlemen, are a few signs to look out for, if you’re wondering whether or not you’re being taken for granted in your relationship.
1. Your good nature is being used and abused
It is being used against you for the sole benefit of another person.
Open your eyes
They’ve become accustomed to you going the extra mile in your relationship; you buy them gifts, plan and create unique, romantic moments with them.
However, because they know that you are so in love with them – they don’t really have any incentive to pull their weight. Especially if they feel that you will never leave them.
- That the moment they come home from work, there will be a glorious assortment of foods; a variety of flavours presented all over the dining table for them.
- That they will receive mind-blowing sex, even if they don’t make much of an effort.
- That they will not have to clean up after themselves because you’re already going to do so for them!
Most importantly of all, they know that the word “No”, doesn’t exist in your dictionary.
This is a big sign that you’re being taken for granted, and you’re allowing it to happen.
Do you think she trusts you? Of course she trusts you, she knows you’ll be the only one to apologise for that recent argument or problem, even though she was clearly in the wrong.
But does she respect you?
Most certainly not.
A partner who respects you will be thankful to have someone who has such a big heart and is good-natured beyond measure.
However it is also that respect for you, that will enable him/her to stop you, when you’re doing way too much for them; and will be more than willing to take responsibility for what they have done, all for the sake of trying to mend and improve the relationship.
These days I’m beginning to understand, that the strength of a relationship works akin to the muscles in the body.
When you have a strenuous workout, one hard enough to break your muscle tissues down – the food you consume and the sleep you get is utilised to build stronger muscles, thus preventing them from breaking down again.
The same occurs in a relationship.
When you have a serious argument or fallout, effective communication and time apart between both parties allows the process of healing to begin, resulting in a stronger relationship.
The reason many relationships don’t mend properly is because, the healing process is always interrupted.
Either by those in the relationship, or other meddling friends and family members.
2. No appreciation or reciprocation
Building on the last point, do they appreciate the positive traits you bring in the relationship, and most importantly, do they reciprocate when you make them feel special?
If you’re the type of person who always makes an effort with your appearance, and you begin to notice that your partner doesn’t, or has stopped – how would you feel about that or tackle that?
This isn’t a clear sign that you’re being taken for granted however, it can contribute towards cultivating feelings of contempt.
3. One rule for them – another for you
Whenever you do something, it is considered unacceptable – but if he does it, all is ok?
This isn’t just a sign that you’re being taken for granted, but it is also a sign of domestic policing being enforced in your home and relationship.
I believe that this is the first stage of abuse, as you’re effectively being told when you can or cannot do.
Think of it similarly to ‘mothering’, with the same limitations of any free-will and autonomy.
Some examples maybe…
- Having a bunch of friends over for a party, on a consistent basis – yet you cannot do the same.
- Being told what you can or cannot wear, but you can’t mention something similar to him without an argument breaking out.
- Being told not to speak about specific details of your relationship and its happenings to outsiders – but she will proceed to do the same thing.
Basically the nature of the relationship becomes one built out of power and hypocrisy – and this is a sure way to manipulate another individual into believing that whatever they do or say is ‘wrong’ and is of no value.
4. Your presence is ignored
I have a female friend who’s boyfriend invited friends over to play video games 24/7 – leaving her neglected and ignored.
The problem didn’t lie with him bringing people over, but it was due to the fact that it happened nearly every day.
Not to mention, having to clean up after him for months on end.
That isn’t a relationship, that’s called having a maid around the house to do chores for free – and she has sex with him whenever he wants too!? He must be in heaven!
5. They never initiate contact
In my opinion, this is potentially the biggest sign that you’re being taken for granted.
If you’re always the one initiating conversation, doesn’t that make you feel like the other person doesn’t care whether you’re a focal point of their life or not?
I’ve found this problem to be prevalent in all kinds of relationships, from familial to friendships.
I’m a huge believer that if someone really wants to talk to you – they will find a way to, under almost any circumstance.
If someone genuinely wanted to become a part of your reality, they will do their very best to make it so.
Relationships are about give and take, and are potentially a perfect lesson for teaching people how to compromise.
It’s just unfortunate that many people rarely learn from their mistakes, if anything they become very good at making these same mistakes.
Whilst I’m not one for playing games in or out of a relationship, I couldn’t be in one, where my partner developed the expectation for me to contact them first to see how they are.
Why aren’t they making the effort to see how I am?
To see how I’m coping with things?
Does that mean that if I don’t contact them, the relationship is pretty much non-existent?
6. Your partner always has an excuse
Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, what kind of plans you try to make that it just isn’t good enough? Your partner always has something better to do, somewhere else to be, and a million other excuses.
You’re not the only one. This is common, and sometimes a sign that the person you’re with has mentally checked out of the relationship.
- You try to make plans days, even weeks in advance, but your partner always comes up with a convenient excuse to cancel especially last minute.
- When you are in need of affection or attention, your partner always has a more pressing matter (work, tasks, or other friends to see).
You may already feel, or will eventually feel anxious about asking to make plans because of the constant rejection. It is an unhealthy cycle because it takes that much extra to muster up the courage to ask again, only to be rejected. The rejection hurts that much more each time.
7. Your relationship does not feel like one
You know that warm, fuzzy feeling people get being around someone they like or love? It suddenly disappears and every step feels like a chore or a desperate attempt to spice things up.
This can come in many forms:
- Text messaging without getting a response back-- often.
- Your calls are not returned
- Your partner never contacts you out of the blue
- It can be awkward around one another because your partner seems cold
Many times you can sense it when you’re together, it just doesn’t feel right. You’re not laughing together, being affectionate, and your partner doesn’t want to be close to you.
Just a few things to think about.
Above are simply 7 signs to tell you’re being taken for granted.
Let’s not leave it there however.
If you can recall any instances whereby your partner is displaying such behaviour towards you – please speak with them.
Harness the power of effective communication so you know where you stand.
Tell them how you truly feel, as a relationship is about the union of 2+ people who care about and want the best for eachother.
It is not a detention center or surveillance unit, used to monitor and remove freedoms away from eachother.