Why Seeking A Relationship Is A Bad Idea
Most people who seek relationships are simply afraid of being alone. Not a fully correct statement, but it holds some truth.
A serial relationship seeker fails to understand that creating space between one another is an important prerequisite for any lasting, successful relationship.
First of all, what's the difference between someone who is "actively seeking a relationship" and someone who is "just looking for a relationship?"
It depends on the context.
For example, if you use dating apps like Plenty of Fish, you'll come across profiles from people which state; "I'm actively seeking a relationship."
This is just to let you know what prospective suitors are looking for.
Clearly, we have no issue with this, as its a selectable option on the app itself.
We want to address those who are afraid of being outside of a relationship, and therefore jump from relationship to relationship, without spending time by themselves to discover who are there and what they really want from a partner and life at large.
The damaging problem many relationship seekers have, is their staunch belief that all their personal problems can only be solved if they're dating someone else.
A relationship should be based on common interests and balance between the two personalities.
A relationship shouldn't be exclusive too. There is a world outside of it. For this reason, once you get into a relationship, you should take it upon yourself to pursue your own interests and hobbies.
Couples who spend every living minute with eachother are more likely to fight, due to getting too comfortable in the relationship.
This problem becomes more prevalent over time.
This inevitably leads to a lack of appreciation towards an eachother’s positive personality traits and therefore your flaws, both large and small, will become more noticeable, which in turn leads to resentment.
Of course, if you share every personal activity with your partner, then the reverse will most likely be true. However, since most people have different personalities, wants and needs, this is rarely the case.
Photo by Loic Djim / Unsplash
Lack of Independence
Especially if you’re a serial relationship seeker.
You are more likely to subconsciously expect them to look after your psychological and emotional well-being, pushing these responsibilities onto them.
They’ll be struggling to cope with their own lives, as they’re essentially trying to maintain the well-being of two people.
Rise of Jealousy
Every time your partner goes out with friends to have fun etc, you may be more inclined to think that he/she could potentially betray your trust.
Obviously, everyone is different and the above is by no means a guarantee. However, due to the nature of the problem; loneliness/neediness, a plethora of these issues may potentially arise.
Increased Possibility of Depression
Especially after a break-up, you may feel that you are back to square one again – ‘solitary confinement’ if you like.
This is even more probable, if you have nobody you trust to consult with, when you are going through tough times.
So the question we have to ask is why.
Why is it that people feel a relationship is the answer to all of their problems?
- Is it because of ‘grass is greener’ syndrome; an outsider looking in, will think that relationships are where the height of happiness in one’s life occurs?
- Is it because of societal pressure to just have someone?
- Maybe they feel that through ‘love’ all the other areas of their life will also improve.
These are all possibilities.
I believe the main reason is as follows: these people don’t have a life outside of the ‘relationship bubble’.
They feel empty because their lives are generally empty – their lives actually lack purpose.
If they had: an active social life, the will-to-live, and something long-lasting to achieve, they wouldn’t constantly be searching for a relationship.
Photo by Lesly Juarez / Unsplash
A smile is contagious
Little do we know, that when we are truly happy, we attract happiness and love from other people.
Take it upon yourself to first create inner peace within yourself. Once you have a purpose in life, many people will want to become a part of that purpose.
You’ll be in a prime position to look not only for a ‘relationship’ but for something far more valuable.
Something built on the trinity of trust, honesty, and respect, that will complement and augment your life. Not complete it.