Have You Destroyed Your Relationship?

Below is a thorough outline on 9 things we do unintentionally, to destroy our relationships. Please try to be aware of these things, you may be doing a few of these in your current relationship without even knowing.

This is quite a big post, so be sure to click any of the links below to direct you to that specific topic/problem, or just read the entire thing :)

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1. Obvious Flirting With Other Members of The Opposite Sex

I loathe this kind of behaviour.

Even by the standards of those who are naturally flirtatious, some of them take it too far, resulting in their partner feeling completely dejected and confused by his or her actions.

I classify this problem as unintentional because there are many people who really don’t mean to flirt in such a way that may invoke negative vicarious feelings in the person they’re with.

Their intention is not to ruin the wonderful relationship they have built up, but boundaries still need to be set and followed in a monogamous relationship.

How it Affects The Relationship

  • ‘We are just friends’, is not a valid excuse nor does it exempt you from having to listen to your loved ones’ concerns. Many relationships end through unfaithfulness due to one party stating that very line.
  • Sure you might not find your ‘friend’ attractive, but he might find you attractive and by continuously flirting with him and leading him on – you’re subconsciously giving him the message that you’re actually available.

2. Taking ‘Bros Before Hoes’ and ‘Chicks Before Dicks’ Too Literally

They actively put their friends before you in almost every instance. They’re usually poor at communicating and they may have a previous ‘alpha male’ streak that they’d like to continue rolling with.

I’m usually a strong advocate of letting people see their friends regularly for two reasons, firstly they’ve known your partner longer than you have (in most cases) and secondly, we’ve all experienced the lack of contact from our friends the second they enter a relationship.

However my main gripe is with those who are just really poor at communicating within their relationships, but are somehow always in constant contact with their friends.

How it Affects The Relationship

  • Like many of the problems in this list, communication not being at an adequate level can spell many problems in the future.
  • If you barely see your partner and spend most of that time with friends instead – is that really a relationship? (Unless it’s long distance.)
  • Those who fall in this category need to ask themselves whether a relationship with such limited contact is fulfilling the emotional needs of their partner.
  • Your girl/boyfriend may be afraid of talking to you about this problem for fear of being branded controlling or possessive.
  • I wouldn’t be surprised if there were some cynical people reading this who behave this way towards their partner, only giving attention during days where sex is guaranteed, because it’s convenient. You guys suck. :)

3. Suffocation Through Infatuation

The feeling of being inseparable and suffocated in your love life is one of the fastest ways to unintentionally destroy your relationship.

I think it’s excellent to always want to talk to your partner, most people probably would like to do so as well, but for the love of God, take a break!

You have hobbies, interests and friends right? (If not, go get some.) Good, so delve in them fully and explore the luminous system of intergalactic gossip if so be it, just don’t dance around your partner all the frickin’ time.

How it Affects The Relationship

  • It promotes clinginess: If you make your partner the center of your universe, you will only just push them away. Being too clingy can suck the life out of your relationships. If you spend every living minute together, it will be only a matter of time before you no longer have interesting things to speak about and let’s be honest, it will lead to inevitable boredom.
  • I wouldn’t be surprised if boredom actually turns out to be the cancer that kills most relationships in all honesty.
  • It’s biologically unattractive: At first it’s awesome because your partner and relationship has that ‘new shoe smell’, but afterwards like everything in life, it will fade and cause you to look for an upgrade.

4. Being An Attention-Seeking Little Troll

You feel the relationship has been a bit stale as of late, so you decide to start an argument over the littlest things just to see how he’ll react.

Bad move, he’ll probably react angrily (and rightfully so), and you’ll defend yourself with the woeful excuse that is PMS.

On a more realistic note, some attention-seekers are simply vile creatures.

I’m not sure if this would file under being unintentional, but I’ve been noticing this more often as of late.

One of my friends recently came out of a mentally-disturbing relationship, whereby his partner tried to use the concept of life and death to threaten him into staying with her in their pitiful excuse for a relationship.

And get this, it all occurred after he found out about the fact that he was cheated on. Ouch!

In plain English: She threatened to kill herself if he were to leave her for good after she had cheated on him.


Turns out she was crazy and he had a lucky escape in all honesty.

How it Affects The Relationship

  • It doesn’t simply affect the relationship, it incinerates it.
  • He/she will eventually get fed up of wanting to play ‘Tom and Jerry’, and will look for a more substantial relationship with someone more mature.
  • If you want attention, let a fly enter your bedroom, it will be more than willing to give you plenty of that.

5. Being Emotionally Unavailable and Purposely Distant

Distance/absence makes the heart grow fonder, but in many ways it can also back-fire on you.

Here’s a very common scenario. Have you ever been in a relationship whereby initially, you are talking literally 24/7, hours just flew by whenever you’re in contact with them, whether on the phone or in person, and then BANG! – they’ve stopped talking, acting all withdrawn and quiet, treating you like an annoying salesman on the telephone who doesn’t understand the phrase “I’m not interested.”?

Oops. That phrase alone could sum up why so many relationships end.

How it Affects The Relationship

  • There are many potential reasons why this problem has arisen, however I know for certain that people destroy their relationships unintentionally in this way, because yet again, they have failed to effectively communicate with their partner. (Based on the assumption that they’re being emotionally unavailable and distant due to suffocation.)
  • This is the perfect recipe for ending a relationship. Your partner will either crumble to their knees in anguish, or remove you completely from their life. Buy hey, maybe that was your intention in the first place…

6. They Just Stop Making An Effort

Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually or anything -ally. Haha.

This is very common and I’d dare you to find a relationship going on for more than 12 months whereby both parties still makes a strong effort for eachother. Those one’s are usually the best!

Unfortunately over time people get comfortable in anything that may seem continuous, monotonous and schedule-oriented in nature.

Relationships are no different.

However this doesn’t make it ok to ignore. We all have elements of our character that require improvement, so for me personally – I would prefer my partner to tell me constructively, how I could improve in any area for the betterment of the relationship, and I’d be willing to ask the same of her.

Since one of my goals in life is to become the best person I can possibly be, I would be grateful to have a partner who would continually push for me to continue making positive changes in my life.

How it Affects The Relationship

  • Your partner may feel that you no longer care about the relationship if you no longer take care of your appearance or show affection in the ways you used to do.
  • Potential deal-breaker? Definitely! Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean that your job is done. Sorry, but entering a relationship is where the job has begun.

Though maybe I should stop calling it a ‘job’. A relationship should be anything but a job.

7. Passive Aggressiveness

This feeling of being angry/upset, but not showing your partner that you are. It’s about acting and behaving distant towards your partner with the intention of making them feel bad.

“Are you ok Babe?”
“Yeah, I’m fine!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, honest (smiling)”

How it Affects The Relationship

When communication in a relationship is not on par – unwanted emotions and unusual feelings will begin to emerge. It can unwillingly create distance between the parties involved because issues and problems of an increasingly bothering nature are not discussed.

This can lead to a break-up because the partner in question would eventually get fed up of being left in the dark for issues they’re unaware of.

8. Being an Overtly Hormonal Kill-joy

You know the type, they were born to bring negativity into every situation.

Every little thing you do is nitpicked on or commented on in a negative fashion. These types of people have the power to turn a summer’s day into a depressing rainstorm, just from the words they utter from their mouths.

How it Affects The Relationship

  • They suck the fun out of everything – do you know what this means for the relationship? A sad, bitter story to tell the grandkids.
  • Dating a pessimist would just make me depressed. If they’re pessimistic due to something like low self-esteem, then that could easily be worked around – but if it’s part of their nature, then I will just run away and find somebody else who actually wants to be happy.

9. Being Too Much of A ‘Nice Guy/Girl’

There is nothing inherently wrong with being nice, however ‘nice’ by itself is boring. I’m not referring to mannerisms and whatnot, but rather the lack of backbone and inability to challenge others and stand up for one’s self.

For me personally, I can’t be in a relationship with someone who can’t challenge me intellectually. I mean, if she agrees with everything I say, I will be wondering whether she has an opinion and/or has any depth to her personality.

A partner who’s sole-purpose in life is to make me happy – all the time, is grossly unattractive. Especially when I’m fundamentally in the wrong.

I would just unintentionally begin taking her for granted, because she hasn’t set up any boundaries/values that must not be crossed or tampered with.

Sometimes I need to be told when I’m behaving inappropriately.

Having such strength of character is alluring, and something I always look for when I’m dating.

How it Affects The Relationship

  • Taken For Granted: You partner will eventually lack genuine appreciation of who you are to them – especially if things are too convenient.

“She looks after me, cooks me dinner, runs my baths and provides sex on tap. What more could I want from a girlfriend? I bet even if I ‘accidentally’ cheated on her, she’ll still take me because because she loves me.”

  • Predictability leads to boredom, and boredom of the individual may lead to resentment.
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